I'm Stepping Out of My Story

*This post was inspired by an interview from the radio show I work on, Naturally Savvy.

Photo courtesy of RadioMD.com

Stories can be fun. They can be conversation starters, or ways to reminisce at family gatherings. They can provide bonding and create fond memories for your kids and grandkids.

Stories can also be a detriment, especially the ones you tell yourself... over, and over, and over again.

Those types of stories can be filled with regret, anger, sadness, self-deprecation, anxiety, even depression. None of those feelings represent the picture of health, whether mental, emotional or physical.

I'll give you an example of one of my stories that I struggled with for a long time (and sometimes still do).

A while back, I made a huge life decision to pursue something that would make me happy and give me fulfillment. I didn't know how it would turn out; it was literally one of those "now or never" moments.

Part of that decision involved moving to Los Angeles and leaving my husband behind in MN. We're still together and manage to make the long-distance marriage work, much to the surprise (and sometimes dismay) of our family, friends and community.

My husband has supported me, for the most part. But, for a very long time, I suffered with extreme guilt. I was stuck in a story where I kept telling myself, "You are hurting others. You're being selfish. You need to be there for everyone else. Putting yourself number-one is unacceptable. What the fuck are you thinking?"

The rumors that swirl around and around about me back in MN only made it worse. "Sylvia moved to L.A. because she was doing drugs and it's easier to get drugs in CA." Or, the most recent and flabbergasting one, "Sylvia is in porn and prostitution, and that's how they get their money."

WTF?

As ridiculous as those rumors are, I let the negativity and anger of others infiltrate and exacerbate the corruption of the story I was telling myself.

And, for a very long time, I never let myself fully believe that the decision I'd made was the right one... even though I'd experienced true pockets of happiness. REAL happiness. I still put others first, just under the guise of my new-found "freedom," and I kept the sad story alive.

Recently, though, I've been stepping out of that story. I've cleared those pages and am writing new ones; pages filled with happiness and creativity and love. I'm attempting what Kim Schneiderman, author of Step Out of Your Story, advises: "by choosing a version that values life lessons and meaningful personal victories, you can redirect your energy and narrative toward your desires and goals."

Once in a while that old sad story will creep back into my mind, but I know I have the love and support of dear friends who will help me re-shape and re-tell it the right way. Plus, it's OK to revisit the pain now and again. Schneiderman says it's essential to value the growth (and grieving) that occurs when you go through difficult life events.

This has been a difficult life event.

What stories do you tell? Are they keeping you from goals and dreams? Or contributing to happiness and success?

Those blank pages are just waiting for you, too.