The results brought me to an article that listed the "25 Greatest Bullies in Movie History" (not greatest in "grand," but rather memorable). Can you guess who was #1 on the list? Biff from the Back to the Future movies.
Of course! He is the perfect example of what a traditional bully looks like.
Unfortunately, not all bullies are as recognizable in today's world, especially with the presence of social media. And, while there has been much (warranted) discussion on addressing bullies among our kids, whether in person or via cyberspace, the issue of adult bullying is also quite rampant.
Holly Brown, MFT, says that when you're a kid, bully behavior may be a way of figuring out the concept of social hierarchy and where you fit in. Or, it might just be impulse. We should know better as adults, but oftentimes the behavior is carried over... maybe because of personal insecurity or reveling in gaining control over others. Or, perhaps if you were bullied (or abused) as a child, it's your way of knowing you'll never be powerless again.
Some examples Holly gives of adult bullying include rumor mongering in your social circles, controlling or undermining others with demeaning comments, talking behind a colleague's back, or questioning another's performance in order to get ahead.
Perhaps the worst form is complete ostracization, because it's like saying to someone, "you don't even exist to me."
Again, social media is not helping the cause. I had to step back a bit during the election and post-election period, because there was such meanness, such vitriol being spewed I couldn't take it anymore. It was becoming what Holly describes as a "lynch mob mentality."
If you recognize you're practicing bully behavior, what can you do about it? It really comes down to how you handle your dislike. Find other ways to vent your negative feelings that are more private and don't impact others. Journal, scream into a pillow, take 10 deep breaths; anything to avoid harming another person. Keep in mind, the dislike you may be feeling could very well be misplaced anger towards your own self.
What if you encounter a bully? What should you do? Holly says it truly depends on the situation. You may not be able to do much about a random stranger yelling at you on the street other than to not react. If it's a more personal scenario, empathetic and compassionate confrontation may be appropriate at times.
At the end of the day, the important thing is to think about the type of person you want to be and what impact, positive or negative, you want to have on the world.
I could go on and on about this topic (but as you see, I'm running out of room). Please take the time to listen to Holly's interview with Which Way Is Life host Bill Klaproth... there is so much helpful information I didn't even get to.
Click here to listen to or download the episode.
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