I'm originally from the Midwest (MN) so I come pre-packaged with an excellent work ethic and an easy to get along with personality. But, don't mistake my "MN niceness" as innocence and naivety. I have a fiery spirit (and now red hair to match), and I don't give in or give up easily.
Just months after adopting my two kitties, I have decided that yes, they DO have a better diet than me.
Ever since I lost my dear Boomer to kidney and pancreas issues at a not-so-elderly age, I have been careful about what I feed my pets. The main brand I'm currently giving them has 3-4 ingredients and no preservatives. Another brand I regularly mix in has vegetables.
They love it all.
Not once have they turned up their wet little noses; a vast difference from a lot of kids (and some adults).
I look at my own diet and could take a lesson. I try to stay under seven ingredients in most staples, but sometimes that's unavoidable. I've been fairly successful at not buying anything with ingredients I can't pronounce, which is a good rule of thumb.
Of course, the problem in comparing human diets to pets is that we are human. We get to choose what we eat; our furry friends don't.
Dr. Douglas (Duffy) MacKay puts it in perspective: when you make decisions on what to eat, you have many more variables, such as convenience, taste, discipline, trends, and eating in social settings.
But, as a human placed in certain situations, you're more likely to make poor choices and unhealthy compromises. When I'm out watching football on Sunday and someone orders French fries, I'm going to have some. I mean, it's Football Sunday.
Freshness and variety is good for you, no doubt. Still, Dr. MacKay says that we can learn from our pets' example by having a few go-to options that will provide essential nutrients (both micronutrients and macronutrients) and other compounds. For example, if you wake up and just can't decide what to eat for breakfast, do a smoothie. That way, you can pack in a bunch of nutritional goodness (protein, amino acids, fiber) with little effort.
Dr. MacKay also swears by the nutritional value of sardines, but if you're not a fan, just make sure you're getting enough omega-3s via other sources. If those sources are not food-based, try a fish oil or algae oil supplement.
Two other must-haves in Dr. MacKay's household are probiotics and a good multivitamin. If you put as much effort into your own nutritional needs as that of your pet, you might just start to feel healthier, happier and more energetic. Your coat may be shinier... oh wait, nevermind.
I love having Dr. MacKay as a guest because he's so knowledgeable and well-spoken. I encourage you to take a listen (even if you don't have pets!).
Click here to listen to or download the interview.
On July 4 of 2016, I adopted two kittens, Mack and Cam. That's them in the photo, with their favorite toy, Hedge the Hedgehog.
I've had pets from birth, starting with a house cat named Kitty (genius, right?). Growing up on a farm meant we always had barn cats/kittens and at least one dog.
I can't imagine an existence without the companionship of animals.
I'm not gonna lie, life has been more than a bit stressful as of late, and having these two peanuts at my side has provided a sense of comfort. The lessened anxiety I feel is just one of the many benefits of having a pet.
Our favorite go-to vet, Dr. Jeff Werber, had a nice chat with host Melanie Cole about the myriad of pet perks when it comes to your health.
I mentioned anxiety and stress reduction, but my kitties also make me happy. I will sometimes catch them doing something silly and will literally laugh out loud.
Dr. Jeff says the simple act of petting a dog (or cat) can lower your blood pressure.
Kids who have pets get higher grades, score an average of five points higher on IQ tests and are less likely to miss school due to illness. Allergies and asthma can be a big concern, but studies have also shown that animals, specifically cats, can help you develop immunity to asthma and other allergies.
People with dogs tend to have lower cholesterol levels. And get this... individuals who have had a cardiac event (heart attack, stroke, etc.) are eight times more likely to still be alive a year later, AND people who have cats are 40 percent less likely to suffer a cardiac event in the first place.
Seniors who lose a spouse live longer than those without pets. Pets give purpose. I know that I have to get out of bed in the morning and feed my snugglebugs. Same can be said for those with dogs. Unless you have an indoor pooping station, you have to get outside at some point.
Now, if you're not physically capable (or up to the task) of wearing out your lab or shepherd at the dog park, you might want to adopt a smaller dog, or at least a breed that is less active. Greyhounds are great for elderly folks, because they sleep a lot; almost as much as cats.
I know people say that dogs are way more affectionate than cats, but I don't necessarily believe that. When Mack is curled up in my lap as I type away on my keyboard, and then he looks up at me like, "You are the best mom in the world," well, that makes me feel pretty special.
One last little piece of genius advice from Dr. Jeff: Poodles before Prozac, Labs before Lipitor. Enough said.
Sometimes I need a little extra inspiration to get started with these daily blogs, so for today, I Googled "movies with bullies."
The results brought me to an article that listed the "25 Greatest Bullies in Movie History" (not greatest in "grand," but rather memorable). Can you guess who was #1 on the list? Biff from the Back to the Future movies.
Of course! He is the perfect example of what a traditional bully looks like.
Unfortunately, not all bullies are as recognizable in today's world, especially with the presence of social media. And, while there has been much (warranted) discussion on addressing bullies among our kids, whether in person or via cyberspace, the issue of adult bullying is also quite rampant.
Holly Brown, MFT, says that when you're a kid, bully behavior may be a way of figuring out the concept of social hierarchy and where you fit in. Or, it might just be impulse. We should know better as adults, but oftentimes the behavior is carried over... maybe because of personal insecurity or reveling in gaining control over others. Or, perhaps if you were bullied (or abused) as a child, it's your way of knowing you'll never be powerless again.
Some examples Holly gives of adult bullying include rumor mongering in your social circles, controlling or undermining others with demeaning comments, talking behind a colleague's back, or questioning another's performance in order to get ahead.
Perhaps the worst form is complete ostracization, because it's like saying to someone, "you don't even exist to me."
Again, social media is not helping the cause. I had to step back a bit during the election and post-election period, because there was such meanness, such vitriol being spewed I couldn't take it anymore. It was becoming what Holly describes as a "lynch mob mentality."
If you recognize you're practicing bully behavior, what can you do about it? It really comes down to how you handle your dislike. Find other ways to vent your negative feelings that are more private and don't impact others. Journal, scream into a pillow, take 10 deep breaths; anything to avoid harming another person. Keep in mind, the dislike you may be feeling could very well be misplaced anger towards your own self.
What if you encounter a bully? What should you do? Holly says it truly depends on the situation. You may not be able to do much about a random stranger yelling at you on the street other than to not react. If it's a more personal scenario, empathetic and compassionate confrontation may be appropriate at times.
At the end of the day, the important thing is to think about the type of person you want to be and what impact, positive or negative, you want to have on the world.
I could go on and on about this topic (but as you see, I'm running out of room). Please take the time to listen to Holly's interview with Which Way Is Life host Bill Klaproth... there is so much helpful information I didn't even get to.
I have been so, so sleepy lately. The rainy, gloomy weather we've been having in Southern California doesn't help (nor does the unexplained insomnia at 4:00 a.m.), but it feels like there's another reason too.
I was actually just having a conversation with a friend about an adrenal support supplement we both take and which we both have been out of for some time. Could that be playing a role?
Absolutely, says Alisa Vitti, functional nutritionist and women's hormone expert. Alisa recently joined Dr. Taz to explain why our hormones are more messed up than ever and what we can do about it.
A big culprit? The constant exposure to endocrine disruptive chemicals and lifestyle factors is messing with our hormones in a big, bad way. Combine this with the fact that many women are in the dark about their own hormones, and you're faced with a real problem.
Alisa says it's crucial to learn the language of your body so you can respond in real-time to the physical cues presented to you when things go awry.
For example, if your energy and mood are all over the place during the day, it may mean that your blood sugar levels are erratic. To combat this, you need to eat the right carbs throughout the day to stabilize those levels. Also, avoid that early morning cup of coffee on an empty stomach; wait until after breakfast.
Another issue Alisa commonly treats is the presence of painful symptoms of estrogen dominance: bloating, mood swings, acne, breast tenderness, heavier periods. Complex carbs can help mitigate that dominance. Leafy greens can also help metabolize estrogen in a healthy way.
Not every woman is in tune with her own cycle (and what the unique phases might indicate), so to make it super simple, Alisa created the MyFlo app, which helps you determine the following at different times in your cycle:
Going out vs. staying in
Eating raw food vs. cooked food
Bootcamp vs. yoga
Giving a presentation vs. brainstorming and researching
Mommy time vs. playing with the kids
Making out vs. a quickie
Socializing with friends vs. a romantic date night
Pretty cool, right? Knowing those factors will not only make a difference in how you feel physically, but it might help your relationships as well.
This was a really helpful episode, and I encourage you to take a listen for all the details.
As kids, the concept of an ideal relationship often comes in the form of romantic movies. But, the fairy tale outcome is usually not attainable, at least not without some blips and bumps along the way.
Dr. Holly Parker, author of If We’re Together, Why Do I Feel So Alone?, recently joined Erica Spiegelman on the Rewired Radio podcast to share her relationship wisdom and advice.
One really basic (yet eye-opening) statement she made was this: the absence of negative in a relationship does not mean the presence of positive. How can you and your partner learn to thrive?
1) Stop adhering to the notion that "relationships are hard work." How many times have you heard that? You can almost hear the weight in someone's voice. Dr. Holly says they're not hard work, but they do require effort... just like anything else you're passionate about; a hobby, a goal. You must put effort into success. Autopilot won't cut it!
2) Recognize that what your partner considers nagging may have actually come from a well-intentioned place. But, his or her interpretation of your requests may push your partner away.
3) Practice daily gratitude. Really take the time to appreciate your partner. Reflect on what you really love about him. These thoughts of gratitude don't necessarily have to be expressed, either. Simply keeping them top of mind can be wildly helpful.
4) Offer tokens of love and commitment. People are more apt to get closer when they know they're safe. Text your guy in the middle of the day to let him know you're thinking of him. Tell him how lucky you are to have met him.
5) Incorporate regular self-disclosure. Hang out together and discuss what's happening in your individual lives. You never know all there is to know. Ask your partner questions. How did your day go? How are you feeling? What are your hopes? The questions don't have to always be deep. Think silly, which will foster laughter and playfulness; something absolutely essential for a relationship to thrive.
6) Make sure you're taking care of your own health and well-being in order to provide a solid base for a life together.
Finally, recognize the difference between approach goals and avoidance goals. Approach goals are like that dangling carrot: consider what you want to move towards (i.e., how can you be a better partner?). Avoidance goals are like the potholes you're constantly trying to move around (i.e. feelings of fear or caution).
No matter if you're just in the puppy love stages of a relationship, or you've been married for 40 years, this information can be incredibly helpful.
For no known reason, I've been regressing to old cravings of past. And no, I'm not with child. That ship has sailed.
Foods like Pringles and Peanut Butter M&Ms have been calling to me, even though I know how terrible they are for my body and my mind.
What's going on? I've been under some stress lately (OK, a LOT), so that's no doubt contributing. But, I also know better.
Perhaps it's time for a reminder... a perfect opportunity to feature this submission from guest blogger, Dr. Rovenia M. Brock (aka Dr. Ro).
Here's what Dr. Ro has to say...
America, we have a problem. More than two-thirds of adults in the U.S. are overweight or obese. The statistics are staggering, but they shouldn't lead us to believe the problem is insurmountable. In fact, it's not, and there's plenty of proof. More than a half-million people have lost over 50 million pounds by learning to conquer their food cravings that have little to do with physical hunger.
Because our food choices are mostly driven by emotional rather than physical hunger, we eat to satisfy some kind of longing. It's critical that we redirect our emotional eating.
Every time you're at a decision point with food -- which, by the way, happens over 200 times a day for most Americans -- stop and take a few breaths. Ask yourself: What is the best choice for the body I want?
Beat the defeat of unhealthy eating habits and get back to your optimal weight by using these seven strategies that work:
1) Embrace the number "15". Science shows that people enjoy greater success by tackling weight loss in small increments. It's much easier to think of losing 15 pounds than to worry about losing all your excess weight at once. Dieters can accomplish success 15 pounds at time by eating 15 appropriately sized servings of power-packed foods a day, revving up their metabolism by exercising in 15-minute chunks, and spending 15 minutes a day nourishing their minds with relaxation techniques.
2) Get your rest. We Americans are an exhausted bunch of people. Although sleep researchers recommend 7-8 hours per night, studies show that 30 percent of us get fewer than six hours of sleep a night. The more sleep-deprived you are, the higher your risk of obesity. When you deprive yourself of adequate sleep, fatigue lowers your ability to resist cravings.
Want the other five strategies? Access the full blog by CLICKING HERE.
When people find out I work from home, the usual response is something like, "Wow, that really takes discipline... I'd be watching TV all day."
But, my biggest problem (and I think other telecommuters would agree) is the discipline to STOP working. I often find myself tap-tap-tapping away at my keyboard late into the night. Or, I'll look at the clock and discover I've been sitting for hours at a time, with no break to even get a glass of water (which is why I can also sit for hours without a bathroom break!). OR, I find myself responding to an email at 4:30 a.m. my time, which could have totally waited, but I find myself held responsible to a response.
None of this is healthy for body or mind. My saving grace is that I do make time for exercise; a run right away in the morning, and then a "lunch break" with my personal trainer.
If you're struggling with finding time for fitness, Fitness Expert Grace DeSimone and host of Life's Too Short, Melanie Cole, MS, have some great tips.
1) Get yourself on a schedule like you're going to work. There's no reason you should still be in your PJs and have unbrushed teeth at 3:00 p.m. Even if you just change from your sleep attire into similar comfy clothes, it gives you a sense of purpose.
2) Estimate how long your commute would be if you had to go into the office, and dedicate those minutes to exercise. When I used to work in an office in Santa Monica, my round-trip commute was usually just under three hours. If yours is similar, you might not work out for that whole time, but you can still practice healthy behaviors for a portion.
3) Pepper in small activity breaks, even if it's just a few minutes on the treadmill or a quick walk around the block. Those small increments really add up.
4) Similar to that, make sure you're getting up every 45-60 minutes to stretch and shake out the tension your body accumulates from sitting. Remember, sitting is the new smoking.
5) Consider the help of wearable technology, which can increase your awareness of how much you move (or don't) and also provide motivation. Many smartphones will actually track your steps, or you can at least download an app that will.
6) Improve your posture! This is a hard one for me, especially when I have a sleepy kitten in my lap, but Grace has great guidelines: elbows should be at 40 degrees when you’re typing, and your screen should be at eye level. You can Google "ergonomic desk set-up" for ideas. Some folks may think sitting on a fitness ball is a great answer for rectifying posture, but Grace warns that doing so may exacerbate an issue you may not even be aware you have.
7) Encourage colleagues on conference calls to take stretch and activity breaks as well. Grace calls this "creating a culture for body care."
Some of these tips are certainly relevant if you work in an office environment, too. I encourage you to take a listen for all the details.
I am not a good arguer. Mostly because I abhor confrontation and usually just shut down whenever I get into a dispute-type situation.
Let's just say I could never, ever be a lawyer.
Don't get me wrong, I've been in some pretty heated arguments over the years (sisters don't always get along).
It's kind of an unavoidable scenario, so if you're going to verbally battle with someone, why not go in with tools to help you do so effectively? Dr. Walter Jacobson's new book, Forgive To Win!, teaches people techniques for building self-esteem, eliminating sabotaging behaviors, and creating the lives that they want.
He recently joined Dr. Holly on her Inherently You podcast to share some of his best advice.
1) First, when you find your blood start to boil, take a breath and try to stay calm. It's in that moment of pause that you can decide how you can approach the discussion in the most effective way.
2) Second, don't forget to listen. Most people want to be right (and prove the other person wrong) and are simply thinking about what to say next. You won't get anywhere if you're both just talking at each other, not with each other.
3) Also, think before you speak. How can say what you're wanting to say in a way the other person will want to hear it?
4) Make sure to validate the other person’s feelings to show you’ve listened and that you DO care. Then, you can address any misunderstandings with a counterpoint.
5) If both people are yelling uncontrollably, it's time to disengage. You’re bound to say things you don’t mean, and you won’t get resolutions. Step away from the argument until you’re ready to seek a resolution.
6) Finally, consider what you're actually fighting about. Blaming your partner for burning toast is likely not the core issue. There may be built-up resentments from the past that haven’t been addressed. Look for what hasn’t been resolved before the toast was burned. People hang onto so much baggage, a minor infraction can give license to attack.
Dr. Jacobson advises doing a "forgiveness inventory" at the end of each day. What did you do today that was selfish, unloving, judgmental, inconsiderate and uncool? How can you be different tomorrow?
My first real attempt at dieting was around age 13, when I made a homemade "Deal a Meal" kit (who remembers those Richard Simmons infomercials?). I thought it was going to be the answer to my prayers.
Boy, was I disappointed when it didn't work.
I eventually lost the weight I wanted (and more), but did it in an unhealthy way that would plague me mentally and physically for years. Perhaps if I'd only learned more about the secret of female fat, I wouldn't have been in such a predicament.
Dr. Sylvia Tara (great name, doc!), author of The Secret Life of Fat: The Science Behind the Body’s Least Understood Organ and What It Means for You, recently joined HER Radio host, Dr. Pam Peeke, to explain what really is going on with the fat in our bodies, collectively and individually.
When it comes down to it, we are all unique. Your best friend might be able to regularly indulge and not gain an ounce, while you pack on pounds just by looking at a decadent dessert. Some part of that phenomenon may be genetic, but it may also have to do with your past weight loss efforts. Once you've lost fat, it becomes very difficult to maintain the loss.
Why? Because your fat serves much more of a purpose than preventing you from zipping up your skinny jeans. It's actually an endocrine organ that makes and releases necessary hormones.
For example, fat creates leptin, the hormone tied to metabolism and satiation. When you lose fat, you lose leptin. You become hungrier and your metabolism slows. You now have to eat less to maintain your weight. Ghrelin, the hormone that increases appetite, goes up.
It may seem like a lose-lose situation, but it doesn't have to be. Dr. Tara has some suggestions.
Testosterone busts fat. Women have less than men, putting them at a weight loss disadvantage. But, regular exercise helps increase testosterone levels.
Really play close attention to your intake of carbs and sugary foods in order to keep your insulin levels lower.
Growth hormones help bust fat, and intermittent fasting increases these hormones. Extend the time between meal periods. Stop eating at 5 pm each night and don't eat again until 10 am the next day.
Improve the health of your microbiome by adding more fiber to your diet.
Use your emotions as fuel. Anger can actually keep you on track.
Finally, understand that your motivation to lose weight has to hold greater power than the food on your plate. That motivation may be as superficial as wanting to fit into a stunning dress or as serious as a dire medical diagnosis. If you're not passionate about your goal, you will not succeed long-term.
Dr. Tara is incredibly wise, and I'm not just saying that because we share the same first name. I highly encourage a listen to the episode.
As adults, we often struggle with stress, fatigue, sleeping problems, issues with focus and concentration, headaches, even extreme substance use.
I mean, how many times have you finished off that bottle of wine because you had a bad day at the office?
Guess what? The teens and kids of today are also dealing with those same issues, including substance use (and abuse).
It doesn't seem fair... your childhood and teenage years are supposed to be the "good times," full of play and learning new things; maybe even falling in love for the first time. Not so much in today's society.
So, the sooner we can get the younger population interested in addressing these stressors in a healthy way, the better. You can literally shift a child's trajectory from obesity and chronic illness to a long, healthy life.
How? Nada Milosavljevic, JD, MD, author of the book Holistic Health for Adolescents, recently joined Naturally Savvy hosts Andrea Donsky and Lisa Davis to offer some guidance for using holistic methods to help your kids through the tough times.
Guided meditation, even if your child isn't fully paying attention 100 percent of the time, can be wildly helpful.
Aromatherapy utilizes essential oils derived from plants and can provide calming and relaxing sensations in the body and brain. Find a scent that is pleasurable to you and your child, and make sure you're using fully natural oils of high quality.
Teas such as chamomile and Valerian root are also useful for a calming effect.
Yoga can help bring about focus in provide opportunities for "being in the moment."
The important part is to find the most effective tools specifically for your kids so they can deal with stressors as they arise. Stockpiling them will only lead to diminished mental and physical health.
Dr. Nada is one super-smart woman (a lawyer AND a doctor) and she has some really helpful advice. I encourage you to take a listen to the episode for all the info.
Mental illness is a grave concern in our society. Some people who suffer from mental illness harm themselves, some harm others, and some do both.
That's not to say mental illness equals violence; an oft-misunderstood connection that's propagated by the media.
In fact, the large majority of those with a mental illness are not, nor will they ever be, violent. But, there are some that will resort to hurting others if they do not receive the proper care.
The 2012 shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, CT, spurred blogger Liza Long to pen the essay, "I An Adam Lanza's Mother," a narrative that quickly went viral. Liza's son has struggled with mental illness for much of his life; but, unfortunately, was put through what Liza calls "diagnosis roulette," never receiving a proper diagnosis until just recently.
Liza recently joined RadioMD's Naturally Savvy host, Lisa Davis, to bring awareness to the stigma mental illness receives.
Actually, Liza says, it's much more than a "stigma," but rather blatant discrimination. Many families dealing with mental illness unfairly suffer in silence because of that discrimination. Think about it... would you judge a child who was diagnosed with cancer or some other potentially life-threatening disease?
The discrimination goes beyond the child, too. Families are often neglected in the community, because others don't know how to deal with or react to that kind of "disease." And, parents are often blamed for their children's illness.
But, says Liza, treating a family with a mental illness the same as you would with a physical illness brings understanding and awareness for everyone. Ignoring the public health crisis of mental illness hurts all of us.
Her way of putting a humorous twist on the distinction is by advocating "casseroles." No one brings casseroles to your house if your kid has bipolar disorder... but, perhaps they should.
That understanding and awareness also needs to come from a shift in perspective. Too often attitudes surrounding mental illness are reactive- and crisis-based instead of proactive- and wellness-based. So many of these children could grow up to be healthy, happy, successful adults if given the right treatment and opportunity for well-being. Instead, many times they end up in prison.
Liza speaks so eloquently and so openly about her family's struggles, but she also provides hope. If you know someone who is dealing with mental illness, this interview is a great resource. If you don't know someone, it's an even better resource, as it sheds light on such a pivotal topic in today's world.
In today’s world, a “good day” is often hard to come by. We have stress, pressures, obligations. Whatever you want to call that thing that makes us contemplate the struggle of either crawling back into bed and giving the world the middle finger or getting out there one more day and just fucking get it done.
My victory was, in some people’s eyes, a small victory. In my world, it was like winning a gold medal. Or, winning the emotional lottery. I finished first in the race of Sylvia.
What I’m about to tell you is probably not going to make sense to the majority of you. In my rational brain, it doesn’t make sense to me.
In my irrational brain, the brain that rules my hatred of self, of body image, of weight and everything that comes with the word “weight,” this victory had been seemingly insurmountable… until now.
It’s such a profound realization, I’m torn between keeping it to my own celebratory self and shouting it to the world.
I guess I’m shouting it to the world.
I went to the doctor last week. In the past few years, whenever I go to the doctor and the nurse has me step on the scale (that awful bastard of a machine), I’ve closed my eyes and pre-warned him or her in this way: “I don’t want to know what it says, so please don’t say it out loud.” They always comply, and I leave the office feeling at least a bit less self-judgmental.
What you don’t know won’t hurt you, right?
This time was different. I’m a different person lately. I give fewer fucks (in all reality, zero fucks). Things that used to bother me profusely (rumors, particularly) make me laugh in their stupidity. I’m allowing patience in situations where I wouldn’t have before. In a scenario where I normally would have been a raging bitch, I ask myself this first: “Is this bump in the road really going to change your life?” Obviously, the answer is almost always “no” (okay, always).
Cut to me entering the clinic’s examining room. The nurse says cheerfully, “Go ahead and step on the scale.” Something she probably says, what, 10 times a day? Twenty? Thirty? (It’s a busy clinic).
She doesn’t know what impact those words have on me.
She doesn’t know that the number that pops up can have a debilitating effect on my ability to function. She doesn’t know that as soon as she leaves the room, the chances of me bursting into tears is 120 percent.
Fuck it.
I get on the scale. It takes a second to register (torture, if you’re someone who has body image/eating disorder issues). And, then, there it was: ...
It registered in my brain as this: “Grrr… that’s disappointing.”
And, then, it came out of my mouth as a JOKE: “Huh, that’s disappointing.”
We both had a good laugh.
Here’s how I knew that number was no longer keeping me prisoner… the fact that I was willing to joke about it. That let me know that it was okay. While I was not completely thrilled with the number, I did not let it affect me as it normally would.
I just let it… be.
My very good friend recently said something to me that made me pause (and, simultaneously, break into tears). Her words of wisdom: “You can’t beat yourself up for wasted time. You’ve been working on yourself all this time and probably haven’t even realized it.”
I was worried that all this time of being concerned about what others think of me and not focusing on my own happiness, that I’d basically gifted those years away to the doubters, the judges, the whisperers.
I couldn’t comprehend that in all those years, there WAS growth. There WAS happiness.
In the end, I’d been gifting myself.
With knowledge. With experiences. With strength.
I’m really looking forward to the next few years of gifts that I’ll be giving to myself.
*This post was inspired by an interview from the radio show I work on, Naturally Savvy.
Photo courtesy of RadioMD.com
Stories can be fun. They can be conversation starters, or ways to reminisce at family gatherings. They can provide bonding and create fond memories for your kids and grandkids.
Stories can also be a detriment, especially the ones you tell yourself... over, and over, and over again.
Those types of stories can be filled with regret, anger, sadness, self-deprecation, anxiety, even depression. None of those feelings represent the picture of health, whether mental, emotional or physical.
I'll give you an example of one of my stories that I struggled with for a long time (and sometimes still do).
A while back, I made a huge life decision to pursue something that would make me happy and give me fulfillment. I didn't know how it would turn out; it was literally one of those "now or never" moments.
Part of that decision involved moving to Los Angeles and leaving my husband behind in MN. We're still together and manage to make the long-distance marriage work, much to the surprise (and sometimes dismay) of our family, friends and community.
My husband has supported me, for the most part. But, for a very long time, I suffered with extreme guilt. I was stuck in a story where I kept telling myself, "You are hurting others. You're being selfish. You need to be there for everyone else. Putting yourself number-one is unacceptable. What the fuck are you thinking?"
The rumors that swirl around and around about me back in MN only made it worse. "Sylvia moved to L.A. because she was doing drugs and it's easier to get drugs in CA." Or, the most recent and flabbergasting one, "Sylvia is in porn and prostitution, and that's how they get their money."
WTF?
As ridiculous as those rumors are, I let the negativity and anger of others infiltrate and exacerbate the corruption of the story I was telling myself.
And, for a very long time, I never let myself fully believe that the decision I'd made was the right one... even though I'd experienced true pockets of happiness. REAL happiness. I still put others first, just under the guise of my new-found "freedom," and I kept the sad story alive.
Recently, though, I've been stepping out of that story. I've cleared those pages and am writing new ones; pages filled with happiness and creativity and love. I'm attempting what Kim Schneiderman, author of Step Out of Your Story, advises: "by choosing a version that values life lessons and meaningful personal victories, you can redirect your energy and narrative toward your desires and goals."
Once in a while that old sad story will creep back into my mind, but I know I have the love and support of dear friends who will help me re-shape and re-tell it the right way. Plus, it's OK to revisit the pain now and again. Schneiderman says it's essential to value the growth (and grieving) that occurs when you go through difficult life events.
This has been a difficult life event.
What stories do you tell? Are they keeping you from goals and dreams? Or contributing to happiness and success?
So, I was fortunate to attend the Life Through Art Foundation Red Party last Saturday night (February 20) at the Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in Hollywood. Wow! What a party. From the red carpet, to celebs, to yummy free cocktails . . . it was not to be missed.
I was also fortunate enough to bid on (and win) some really cool items in the silent auction. And while the guitar signed by Pat Smear of the Foo Fighters (and Nirvana, and The Germs), which came from his personal collection is exceptionally cool . . . there were two more items that I feel really lucky to have "won."
Allison Heutsche is a jewelry designer (check out her website at www.artasan.com), and she had generously donated two pieces of jewelry: a necklace and a bracelet. Both handcrafted, both one-of-a-kind pieces.
That was enough to make me feel "special" . . . until I found out the story behind the bracelet.
I had emailed Allison, just to let her know that I now had her "art" in my possession, and also to thank her for donating such beautiful and amazing pieces. She wrote back almost immediately, and after a few more exchanges I found out the heartfelt story and event that prompted her to create the bracelet.
See, Allison's dear friend Alma was killed in a car accident. And by chance, Garrison Keillor, famed author and performer, happened to be standing on a bridge in Santa Monica, witnessing the aftermath. He was so moved, so touched by the event that he wrote an article about it. From that article, and from the bridge on which he stood, the idea for the bracelet was born. It is truly a one-of-a-kind, and I am so unbelievably honored and blessed to have it.
See below for the article, and above for a picture of the piece . . . both titled "A New Appreciation of Life."
A New Appreciation of Life By Garrison Keillor
I was in Santa Monica for a day last week, sampling baked figs at the farmers’ market on the Third Street promenade, a sweet sunny day that makes an old Midwesterner like me a little nervous. We fear seduction. Some days in California are so tender and delicious that a person could abandon all commitments and wind up living in blissful stupor in some cult devoted to the worship of the sky.
I have work to do. I haul it around in a black case the size of an anvil and when an hour or two opens up, in an airport or hotel, I dig in. I don’t lie on beaches, looking up at the sky. It’s blue in Santa Monica. You don’t have to look at it for long to figure that out.
My hotel was on the beach, so I headed back that way, crossing the Pacific Coast Highway on a pedestrian bridge. And there, 50 yards south of me, police cars and flashing blue lights. The northbound lanes of the PCH had been closed. A car sat in the middle lane, its rear end smashed in brutally. And south of it, a yellow tarp spread on the pavement. A body lay beneath it.
Then eight cops and emergency medical technicians lined up on either side of it, like pallbearers, and then they spread out a long white sheet which they held as a screen while the yellow tarp was pulled away and a police photographer took pictures with an enormous camera. A man in a dark suit bent over the body, studying it closely. The eight men stood quietly, hardly moving, and they looked straight at each other. They did not look at the body. It was a still-life scene, except for the flashing lights and the southbound traffic passing: eight men standing at attention, guarding a body, and two men moving with great delicacy around it, gathering evidence.
A blue sky over Santa Monica and on the beach, people lay on towels, sunning themselves. A few swimmers in the surf. Rollerbladers out on the sidewalk and joggers, grunting about the presidential campaign. A day in which you’ve witnessed death takes on an aura of fragile loveliness. You breathe the salt air and you savor this on behalf of the dead and note the pencil-line delicacy of the long cane poles of the Japanese fishermen on the pier, the two triangles of white sail taut with wind on the distant boat, the skinny boy in blue trunks swinging high on the flying rings on the beach and soaring to the next set of rings. You see the portly man wade into the water and shudder as the water touches his testes and you feel it, the shudder of mortality. And visions of the fallen one stay with you.
A few hours later, online, news that the victim was a woman, 44, whose car had been rear-ended, that she had gotten out of her car and stood waiting for help to arrive and was struck and killed by a third vehicle. Her name was Alma and she was from Los Angeles.
The day goes on and though you don’t keep in mind the sight of the pallbearers around the body, the death attends you wherever you go. You imagine the woman’s plan for her day, maybe lunch in Malibu and a meeting at her kids’ school and supper and a movie afterward, a simple day in sunny L.A., and you abandon your own plan to work and instead you walk around looking at the shining world on behalf of Alma who died on the highway.
You buy a mango/papaya smoothie and a cafe mocha and in the face of death they are spectacular. You sit at a table in the brilliant sunshine, the light splashing off the stone facades and aluminum moldings. She was standing by her car waiting for help to arrive when she was struck by another vehicle and killed, and 30 minutes later men were standing at attention around her. It would be intolerable not to know the name of the woman. Attention must be paid. She trails alongside you as you walk into a bookstore full of art books and you pick up one with pictures of California beach houses, all whites and yellows and pale blues, sun-drenched rooms, bowls of flowers, cotton curtains, and the sea beyond. A beautiful world, Alma, and every day is a gift. I’m sorry you had to leave early.
Tribune Media Services Garrison Keillor is a radio host and author.
So, yesterday was Thanksgiving, for those of you who don't live on planet Earth. It was my third Thanksgiving in L.A., and I had planned on spending it the way I've spent the last two . . . with me, myself and I.
That was the plan.
I was totally OK with it, too. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't planning on holding some sort of pity-party for myself, complete with party hats and favors. No. I was actually looking forward to a day of quiet. No one needing me. No one calling me. No one emailing me asking me for something. It was going to be grand.
It started out that way. I slept in . . . OK wait, side note. When I say that I'm going to "sleep in" it doesn't mean that I sleep until 9:00 or 10:00, people. Sleeping in for me means 11:30, at the very earliest. So if you know that I'm going to be spending the morning, "sleeping in" please do not call or text - or if you do, don't expect me to respond.
OK. Moving on. I slept in, went for a fabulous run at the Balboa trail, did some cleaning, a little laundry. And then I sat. And suddenly I didn't want to spend the day all by my lonesome.
So I called up good friend, Sandra. She had invited me to come over for a visit. No big party, just her and Jordan, sans Beka. "Sure!" she said, "Come on over." So I did. We shared white wine spritzers (yes, Sandra is bringing them back), a little gossip, and some laughs.
Next up? The party house. I arrived a little after 8:00, and when I got there the group was playing Catch Phrase. I joined in, and although I didn't do much to help team #2, it was a grand time. Then on to Apples-to-Apples, another game that I had never played before. Again, a grand time was had by all, or most anyway. Knowing that I had to work in the morning, I said my goodbyes rather early, and headed home to bed.
The point I'm trying to make here is that of all the things that I could be thankful for, I am the most thankful for yesterday. For friends, who have become my family. For being able to feel just a bit more comfortable in my skin, my L.A. skin. For it being OK to reach out and not feel like I'm asking too much, or needing too much. Some of you who will read this know what that means, and how much that means to me.
I cannot convey enough, so I'll just say, "Thanks."
It's an important day today. September 11. It's comforting in a way that I don't need to remind any American what happened on this day eight (8) years ago today. And a comfort that most Americans will hold this day in remembrance.
I don't doubt that almost everyone remembers where they were, what they were doing, what was going on at the time that they heard about the Twin Towers. I know that I will forever have that imprinted on my brain, just as many have the day the Challenger blew up, or the day John Lennon was shot forever imprinted on their brains. Not that I'm comparing Septemeber 11 to those days, but the reverberating shock does linger.
I was making ad sales calls. I had just left one call, jumped into my car and there it was on the radio . . . a plane had it one of the towers. I thought it was a joke at first - I really did. I actually couldn't believe what I was hearing. My next stop was Lowry State Bank. I popped into Bob's office, and shared what I had heard. "Apparently a plane hit one of the Twin Towers." He couldn't believe it.
It wasn't until I got to Starbuck, to the Starbuck Times, that I had reinforcement. They had heard. It was true. We all went next door to Tank's TV and Appliance, and proceeded to watch the entire thing on the 52-inch TV.
I was numb. I think we all were. How could this happen? What was going to happen? And then, the news of the hijacked planes. It was all so surreal.
The funny thing is, I don't remember what else happened that day, if anything significant. I can't imagine that a whole lot of work got done. But I will forever remember the exact place I was - in my red 1999 Pontiac Grand Am, when I heard the news for the first time.
To all the families of all those who were lost that day, and all the families of all those who have lost their lives since that day fighting for what many people believe to be "retaliation" . . . I will hold you in my heart. Forever.
I wrote a little bit about my best bud, Boomer, last week. It was the one-year anniversary of his death at the time, and I was cherishing my memories of him.
But, there's so much more that I can say about this "more-than-a-cat."
Today, my nephew Colin, was telling someone about Boomer. How he was the "best cat ever." Joe would consistently bring Colin Little Debbie Snack Cakes and tell him that Boomer made them. He also told Colin that Boomer "put the power" in his truck. Colin is five years old, so maybe he knows and maybe he doesn't, but he was so proud telling Jess of Boomer's accomplishments. And he was concerned about the snack cakes. He said that no one can make those cakes anymore because Joe didn't get the recipe from Boomer before he passed.
When Joe and I picked Boomer up for the first time, he was so tiny! Like I said before, he had been found abandoned by a dumpster (in Starbuck, I believe). I had seen an advertisement for him in the Canary I believe. We went one night to check him out, and he was the one. Joe and I had driven separately, so Boomer rode with Joe. We had brought a box to tote him in (I think it was a potato chip box, actually!). But he soon crawled out of that, and was freely roaming Joe's pickup. I think Joe was probably a little freaked out that a tiny little kitten was climbing all over his relatively new pickup! But we all made it home safely, and Boomer adapted to his new living space quickly.
He wasn't an angel, that's for sure. My mom and dad's cat Muffie (or Muffy, depending on who spells it) always seemed to be on the short end of the love at our house. She was always getting picked on - and Boomer was no exception! Once he was a little bigger, he had no problem torturing her.
One year Joe and I bought him a cat sweater as a joke. We thought we would put him in it and take a picture, just for a good laugh (and memory). But Boo was smarter than us. Somehow, the sweater ended up in the garbage and was burned. I know in my heart to this day, that he was somehow responsible!
He was not only a cat, and I will continue to cherish his memory for many years to come.
It's kind of a sad day today. One year ago, to this very day, I lost a very dear friend of mine. His name was Boomer, and he had been with me for 13+ years. He was my cat.
But he was also much more.
You might be thinking . . . it's only a cat. But when you spend that many years with someone (or something), you become rather attached.
Joe and I still talk about him to this day. All the things he used to do. His little quirks, his way of winning us over, not matter how naughty he had been. The way he used to wake us up in the middle of the night with his wet nose in an ear.
He was a spoiled cat, that's for sure. When it was just us, he used to jump up on the counter or the table. And we'd let him. We bought him the best food. When it came to Boomer, there was no expense spared.
Some things about him . . . he hated to ride in the car. He rarely meowed (In fact, when we first got him as a kitten, he barely meowed at all. My mom said it was because he wore out his meow crying for his mom - he was found abandoned by a dumpster). But when he had to ride in the car (either to the vet, or if we had to take him to my mom's when we went on vacation) he cried the whole way.
Like I said above, he was abandoned by a dumpster. We got him from the Pope County Humane Society when he was just a kitten. He was actually my birthday present from Joe. I was still in high school, and my mom and dad didn't know that he was coming to live with us. My dad was asleep when we brought him home, and the next day I was sitting on the couch with Boomer by my side. My dad walked through the family room - and stopped. "What is that?" he said. Luckily, everyone fell in love with him immediately, and he was a welcome addition to the family.
Joe was not a cat person before Boomer. In fact, I think he wasn't too willing to "give" him to me for my birthday. But just like everyone else, Joe fell in love with Boomer. And after 13+ years, he became the third point to our family triangle.
At the end, he was really sick. He had been having some kidney and digestive issues for some time. We'd take him to the vet (which, he hated of course), but he never really seemed to get better. Age has a lot to do with his demise, but health problems contributed.
Finally, it got to the point where nothing could be done. I remember when I got the call from Joe. I was in class, but stepped out because I knew it couldn't be good news. Joe told me what the vet had said - that it was probably best to put him to sleep. He would take him into the vet the following day (a Friday), but it was most likely that it would be time to take that step.
The next day, we made the decision. I was so torn. I wished we could wait until I could be there to say goodbye, but that didn't seem fair to Boo. Joe had his mom take Boomer into the vet because he wanted to say goodbye to him at the house.
It was time, and Boo knew it. He hated to go into the cat carrier - seriously, we had to stuff him in there kicking and screaming (probably because he knew he would be going in the car), but this time, he walked right in. By himself.
That makes me cry every time I think it about it.
So, on 8/8/08, Boomer left us. He really knew how to go out in style - all 8's like that.
I could say so much more, but it's still a bit too much all at once. Regardless, I wanted to share Boomer's story with you - on this, his one-year mark of being gone.
So, I'm in this play - Tracing Sonny - which opens next Friday. It's a great play, by the way, and you should definitely come. But anyway . . . there's a set that has to be built, and today was another day to build. There was a "build" last weekend as well, which I helped out at on Saturday. I used a Skill Saw (or is it Skil Saw?) and a hammer. It was glorious. Today I didn't get to use the saw, but I did paint, used a hammer - and a drill. And I acted as "dead weight" (essentially sitting on pieces of wood that were being cut).
I had forgotten how much I really enjoy "manual labor." It was never that much fun growing up, with chores and baling hay, and picking rocks . . . especially in 90+ degree heat. But it offered a sense of accomplishment - one that just isn't the same with the day job, or even the acting thing. I got my hands dirty, didn't care how I looked as a sweaty, paint-stained mess, and built something.
I had to leave a bit early (plans to attend a play with good friend, Trista), but I was proud of the work I had done. And somehow it made me somewhat more invested in my character. Not only did I help build "little limbo" that Nanette calls home, but I found a "home" for her.
You can see this beautiful set, at the Avery Schrieber Theatre in North Hollywood. 8:00 p.m. on Friday and Saturday; 2:00 p.m. on Sundays.
Ok, seriously. Is it really supposed to rain this much in L.A.? I don't understand. Where did all the sunshine and warmth go? Instead we are experiencing rainy day after rainy day, complete with flooded streets and backed-up freeways. And I've had enough. If I wanted cold and rain and miserable weather, I would have stayed in Minnesota.
